I haven't felt alive in ages. And I completely hate the person I have become in the last decade. I hate her. She only rains on everything...and she's whiny and petty and OH SO BORING!

Can you imagine how EXHAUSTING it is to be boring ALL THE fucking time? Ugh.

I probably ought to attribute this deadness to not getting laid. The last time I actually enjoyed sex was over 2 years ago. And I have completely lost the ability to talk to people...fuck talking. I can't even make EYE contact and mutter something remotely coherent so people don't look at me like I lost all essence of my humanity. It's like I'm black and white in a riot of instafiltered, primary colored world. I'm invisible. No...unfortunately, not completely invisible. Just utterly drained of any color and every smidgen of personality.

I seriously doubt one random fuck with some fuckwit I pick up on Tinder is going to set this right. Especially when I will not come.