I'm finally making up for all the sex I never had. :D I've got me a fuck buddy...did I mention him already? And what a buddy he turned out to be :D He isn't really all that to look at, although he is much better looking than me...(not hard to be). But what enthusiasm! It really really turns me ON! Oh mamma!

And now I realize that sex is also like sleep. The more you have it, the more you want it. Or perhaps I'm just craving it coz I got so close to an orgasm this weekend. Ohmigod, I actually begged him to fuck me. What bliss! :D I'm getting goosebumps just thinking about it all. I had no idea sex could be this exciting, especially when emotions are not involved. I like it that we can talk fairly comfortably. I'd bared my body to others before, but getting the words out was like pulling my own teeth out. It's still kind of the same here, but thank god this one's a talker!

Oh oh! And I finally saw my pussy up close this weekend. We actually photographed it...and it's so pretty and exotic! Now I know what Russell Peters meant! Okay, all jokes aside, it was this completely strange thing...that is in me and can give me so much pleasure (and pain). And it was sooo erotic, watching him delicately dip a finger into my juicy cunt...over and over again. Holy fuckin balls!

And apparently, I'm really really good at giving head. It's nice to know I've gotten good at it. I wish I had a medium where I could boast about it...as MYSELF! I was no good at it before, and of course, pretty disgusted with that whole area. It is not really a pretty sight, after all. But this time around, the knowledge that I have the power to make him moan oh-so-deliciously is incredibly sexy...and powerful. I wish I was as open and generous with my compliments. Or perhaps I am.

Coma

I feel like I'm in a coma. Been in one for years. Don't know where life is going, what I'm doing at work, what I should do, what I should think. Sleep has become a drug. Constantly craving it to escape reality. I catch hold of vague ideas floating in my mind on a relatively good day, when I'm feeling marginally alive, and dust up momentum in my head...just so I have something to concrete to think on for a day or two...a moment or two really. Emotions seem soo fleeting. A mood doesn't even last a few hours. Just a couple of hours ago, I couldn't stop grinning about the awesome sex I had this weekend. And now, I'm struggling to even think straight. Will I even wake up? How do I come alive? I want to live...and right now, all I feel like I'm doing is grasping at ephemeral brambles as I dangle off the side of a cliff...dully looking down at the abyss below and wondering if I should just jump. It would be easier, at the very least.