A G-Spot? Where is that now?

I don't even know why I did not look up what a G-spot is till now. Perhaps, I (we?) take our bodies for granted because, well, dang it, its right down there. And, I honestly don't know how I feel about my vagina. I haven't spoken about it for about 2/3rd of my life because my mother tongue doesn't have a word for it (See here). It was something never to be talked about. And then, once I moved out of home, we girls hardly talked about anything else. Boys, sex, and no-you-don't-get-pregnant-if-you-kiss. I suppose I was glad I knew more than the other girls and I could "educate" them about stuff actually works. Of course, the irony that they started using their parts right away while I"m still waiting doesn't escape me.

Turns out, I didn't really know much. A boy had to eventually tell me that there were three things down there. So much for my status as a "gyaan" giver! [Gyaan=knowledge.Used here as a euphemism.] And apparently, I'm still figuring out stuff...about body parts that may or may not exist which might or might not give me that ever-elusive orgasm. But I'm all for self-empowerment. So, ladies, I would really appreciate any gyaan you have for me. Are there other parts of me I don't know about?

Blue Period

Today, I want to cry. Nothing happened, really. Its just that I'm heart-broken and afraid. And I seem to have held if off well for a while, but it all came back, with a silly song and a few words and oh so many memories. Why can't we just be done with certain bits of our life? Shouldn't our blue periods be compartmentalized? Why must the stains seep into the rest of our lives?

Nice

My first attempt at the 100 Word post. Borrowed the idea from Baglady, who does such a phenomenal job with these. Do check her blog out if you haven't already!

Well, here's mine. :)
________________________________________________________
Nice

You were a nice word, Nice, but you soon became blasé;
an empty word to take refuge in when I did not have much else to say,
when I was called upon to be polite,
when I could not be bothered anymore.

My education taught me to take you with a pinch of salt. I looked upon you and your buddy, Interesting, with suspicion. You meant back-handed insults or worse, apathy.

I went on a giddy trip with Awesome, Amazing and Insane. They showed me Awful, Fake and Depressing.

Now, I wonder…maybe you are enough. You are, after all, Nice!

Motherhood and such bollocks

This is jumping a coupla steps, I know. But its like the whole mother thing is in the air. I have to admit I've been wanting children for a while now. Yes, the same me who hasn't had a relationship yet and is trying to get rid of her cumbersome, bothersome virginity. I've had these feelings for about 3 years now, since I was...umm...22. Too young, no? The irony, tho, is that I'm such a child even today. I'm even more of a parasite now that I'm living with my parents. Its not a pretty picture.

But yes, I want kids. Maybe my reasons for wanting kids is not very healthy. I want kids so I can love them unconditionally and I'll also be the world to someone else...even if it is only for a little while. Sick, no? Anywho...this motherhood thing keeps popping up from time to time. I dream of how I would magically turn into this ultra-patient and serene mother figure. I also have horrific nightmares about what a horrible parent I'm going to be. But all the same, knowing I'm going to ruin lives, I want to be a mommy. I had to say this today prolly coz I saw an especially beautiful episode of the Cosby Show where Sondra gives birth to twins, or cause a really cute kid just dropped by our office or mostly because of this post.

All this is great, but no matter how radiant and glowing I might be, I ain't getting preggo. Adoption is the way for me...one day...soon...hopefully.

25!!!!!

It’s done. I’ve turned 25 now. I thought I would hate the day. The dreaded quarter-life crisis was supposed to have arrived. But this day did not turn out anything like I expected. And I am seriously thankful for that.

The one amazing thing I am happy about at 25 is my independence. This is probably the first birthday when I bought myself all the things I wanted. I planned, set aside the money and thoroughly enjoyed the splurging, secure in the knowledge that things have been taken care of. This may sound like a very small, silly thing...but considering how disorganized I used to be and how most of my pleasures were half-guilty, this is really quite a big thing. I revel in it. This is one of the best highs, not only because of the "money" factor, but also because, perhaps for the first time, I did not base the way I am going to feel on this day on anyone else but me. Yes, I'm one of those who've always expected people to remember and somehow, make me happy. I know, I'm a moron :D I cant believe it took me 25 years, but finally, albeit the hard way, I might have found the path to having a great time on my own :) Its awesome!!

The best part? I feel none of the horrible things that I thought I must feel being THIS OLD! May be they are coming, but they haven't hit me yet and I'm not making any futile pacts with God about how I'm not going to turn any older. Mostly, I'm not freaking out. My sense of humor, although serious messed up and downright ridiculous most of the time, has definitely evolved and its taking me places...spiritually? Whatever. I am just happy.

Besides, something that was supposed to trouble me immensely has somehow turned into something quite comforting. I was supposed to have some, if not all, answers…to questions like the following:

• Which way is my life headed?
• What kind of a career am I going to have?
• Am I even going to continue having a career?
• Am I getting married or ending up with a lot of skills/hobbies?
• Am I gonna MAKE ENOUGH?

I have NO CLUE. I have no idea where I’m headed, say…next month. So, planning anything beyond that seems completely pointless. And not having answers suddenly does not scare me. Its comforting knowing that come what may, I will manage. Further than that is probably something I better not know anyway. It’s a little liberating. So, here’s to being 25 and not having any answers. 

Insanity

I knew this was coming. I knew I was only a great "starter," not a see-er through-er(?). I knew it was only a lull in work that got me all fired up about my blog and that once the pace picked up, I wouldn't be able to catch up.

I have always been like this...my dance classes, my music, karate, drawing, stamp collecting, C programming, yoga, guitar classes have all started on a hyper energetic note and dwindled down to one of those guilty incompletenesses in my life. Now, I'm afraid to start anything. However, I am starting something today...forcing myself into it and deliberately spending money that I dont have. I'm taking up Spanish classes. 3 days a week after work. I really hope I finish at least the basic course even if I dont continue into the next level. Its a 3 month commitment, which is quite a long one for me.

The irony is not lost on me that I'm posting about yet another project on this blog, which in itself is a project that somehow seems to be slipping from my fingers. I also have another blog in which I use my real name and my friends read, which I haven't posted on for about 10 days now. All this just reminds me of that definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I have been doing that for about 20 years now...( I will forgive myself my first 5 years...I hardly knew what was going on back then..and besides, I'm sure I was too busy discovering the world :D)

However, hope has not completely died yet. It is still January, and I'm still 24, even if it is only for a few days now. Perhaps I'll even manage to get myself a life! :) Here's to making different mistakes this year!

What do you do?

What do you do when you can’t cry?
When you feel frozen and numb?
When you know something’s building?
It's making you hard inside
And wont go away no matter what.
When you cannot shake it loose
And let it unfurl and burst forth?
When anger doesn’t break you?
When it’s chalking up all the little things
And it you know it will strike one day
When you least need it?
How do you fight this horrible hard thing inside you?

I ogle, but I don't drool...(yet!)

So, yesterday evening, I am on my way back home from work. I drive a two-wheeler, by the way, which looks like this.

Pretty awesome, huh? In reality, its a little beat-up tho, coz I'm totally clumsy like that. Annyhoo, so I was driving back home from work when I noticed this pretty young girl in short shorts walking back home from badminton practice or some such thing. I obviously couldn't help admiring her legs. She had such perfectly shaped legs and in that orangy street light, her skin looked so absolutely glowy and flawless. All this happened over a few seconds, of course, and when I focused back on the road, I notice that the other pretty young thing on the road beside me, a 19 year old kid on another two-wheeler much like mine was ogling at the girl with the great legs as well. He went a step ahead and he had his mouth open, almost drooling!

Needless to say, I burst out laughing when I noticed him...zooming off ahead to get home already. What had me laughing was that I had now become an ogler too! Although I wasn't lusting after the girl (let's not go there, really!), I was definitely lusting after legs like that...for MYSELF! I definitely would kill for them. What? Looking good helps, you know? No matter how much people deny, it is true. Pretty people have perks. (Pardon the alliteration and try not to dwell too much on all the "perks." :p)

Bill Cosby had every reason to fear his kids!

[Scene: At college, about 3-4 years ago. Chatting with friend after class, just after summer vacation.]

Friend: I’m so glad to be back here in the hostel. I don’t know how I survived these two months at home.  Why do we need two months of summer vacation anyway?
Me: Holy shit! I knowwwwwwwwww. I am definitely not going to be one of those “Indian” kids who live with their parents till fucking 24!

[Scene: Yesterday, during breakfast. At home. With my parents.]

Dad: So, what do you want for your birthday this year?
Me: (Trying hard for a cool, “I’m-so-over-birthdays” face; mumbles) Nuthin’! (shrugs)

(Turns face to the other side, clamps eyes shut and argues with self, murmuring “No, we are not going to ask. We are NOT GOING TO ASK!”)

Me: I WANT AN IPOD…THE 160 GB ONE!

Woot Woot! My First Award!

Happy New Year, ya’ll!

This is a brilliant way to start the new year…with my FIRST BLOG AWARD! I’ve just received the Honest Scrap award from runawaybride (Thank you sooo much!) over at Chronicles of an arranged Indian Marriage. Do go check her blog out and find out all about modern arranged marriages here in India. It’ll first shock the hell out of you and then, you’ll go… “Exactly how different is this from us, really?” It’s almost uncanny how we came across each other in the blog world, considering the fact that we’re both, in some sense, going through similar stuff and have started our blogs for almost the same reasons.

Coming to the award, needless to say, I’m thrilled to bits and very very flattered about receiving the award so soon into blogging. It dictates that I get even more embarrassingly honest and then pick on a few other AY-mazing blogs and get ‘em to bare their souls.

So, without further ado, here goes:

1. As a child, I ate boogers, pencil leads and paper. Ummm…I still eat ‘em now, SOMETIMES.
2. Yea, I’m a 25 year old virgin…almost! No, the ‘almost’ doesn’t mean I’ve covered the first 3 bases; it just means that I turn 25 in a little less than a month. I’m still hoping to lose that stupid membrane before my birthday, but I know it’s not happening. Ugh!
3. I may be a borderline hentai addict. Masturbation has become a bit of a pain (pun intended) and a really long, drawn-out process. ~sigh~
4. I’m still heartbroken over a guy, after 4 years. My friends are all “officially” tired of listening to me whine about it. I think I have finally given up on the “happily-ever-after” dream…living alone for the rest of my life seems a MUCH better option than even trying to bother getting married. This year, I hope to finally put that chapter behind me for GOOD!
5. If I do get married, the fact that I have to start sharing a room with someone after almost 20 years of having my very own room, scares the SHIT out of me. I am freakishly possessive of my personal space.

That’s me. Now, on to the next awardees.

Choosing who I would pass this award on to was quite a task. But I did come up with an awesome list. Most of the ladies on this list are the ones I look up to in blogland. They are fantastic writers and a treat to read every morning. Do check ‘em out.

1. Steam Me Up, Kid
2. Yo Mama’s Blog
3. You. Me. No Adult Supervision...
4. Today Is My Birthday
5. Penguin in Paris

Have a wonderful New Year, people. Hope this one turns out be an amazing adventure for all of you!