It's almost 4 am and I'm up writing because I'm restless, writing because I spoke about writing after ages. I guess I really did stop even attempting to write ages ago. 25. When I really started cheating. And I'm turning 35 in a day. Maybe this cheating should end with this milestone. I hope I can put a stop to it.
Do people really change?
I don't know. I haven't seen much proof of that really, but there still is a glimmer of a sliver of hope. And a very well-timed lesson that the universe sent my way. Been giving into my baser urges for well over 2 weeks. Found some rando on the internet, projected all my overthunk nonsense onto him, went too far too fast, and broke the spell in under two weeks. You'd think I would've learnt my lesson by now...after all the damage I did to myself with J. Once you let a guy see you as a sexual being, woh bhi too early on, that is all he's ever going to see you as. Also, NEVER give them the benefit of the doubt. If they say they are aimless, goalless assholes, don't try to find redeeming qualities for them in their nostalgic stories from their glorious pasts. First, they never asked to hear YOUR stories. Second, they are mired in their past. How many more red flags do you need? You have already lived half your life, if not more. Maybe at least begin to gather SOME wisdom, some lessons from your own life...your own mistakes?
So, this 40-year-old Village Idiot, the Bubble Boy, does have a sweet side maybe, but I don't think I have patience for manchilds? manchildren? anymore. Coz I have my own woman childishness to grow out of. So, make this decision today. If an itch comes along, scratch it and MOVE THE FUCK ON. Don't try to be nice to it. Don't be its shoulder. Colossal waste of your everything. Woh bhi with whom are you fooling around? Arrghhhhhh....please don't be THIS pathetic. And let's not overshare with the "friends"...mmmkay?
Back to repression and xvideos, I guess. No more hentai for you. Grow the fuck up!