Saturday, March 5, 2011

Motherhood and such bollocks

This is jumping a coupla steps, I know. But its like the whole mother thing is in the air. I have to admit I've been wanting children for a while now. Yes, the same me who hasn't had a relationship yet and is trying to get rid of her cumbersome, bothersome virginity. I've had these feelings for about 3 years now, since I was...umm...22. Too young, no? The irony, tho, is that I'm such a child even today. I'm even more of a parasite now that I'm living with my parents. Its not a pretty picture.

But yes, I want kids. Maybe my reasons for wanting kids is not very healthy. I want kids so I can love them unconditionally and I'll also be the world to someone else...even if it is only for a little while. Sick, no? Anywho...this motherhood thing keeps popping up from time to time. I dream of how I would magically turn into this ultra-patient and serene mother figure. I also have horrific nightmares about what a horrible parent I'm going to be. But all the same, knowing I'm going to ruin lives, I want to be a mommy. I had to say this today prolly coz I saw an especially beautiful episode of the Cosby Show where Sondra gives birth to twins, or cause a really cute kid just dropped by our office or mostly because of this post.

All this is great, but no matter how radiant and glowing I might be, I ain't getting preggo. Adoption is the way for me...one day...soon...hopefully.

4 comments:

  1. I was 30 when I became a mother . . . to a 10 year old through adoption. Nearly 9 years (and her 2 sisters) later, I still feel like I'm not ready to be a mom. :) There is no good time and the only certainty is there will be times you are a kick-ass mom and other times when you suck as a mom. Just never get lost in playing the role of 'mom' and forget who YOU are. Best of luck!

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  2. I have moments too - but then when the weekend comes and I wanna party I'm glad I am only responsible for myself!

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  3. I know you might swear at me but "never say never".

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  4. Don't worry, I am sure you will be a great mother and there is nothing wrong with wanting to love another human being unconditionally. I am scared too and I am 33 and trying to get pregnant. On my favorite show the Dad says that "you are always 18 inside" and that is how I still feel. I play the part of an adult but I am still very much a kid in so many ways. I like to think that will help me relate to my child and be a more fun parent. I really hope so!

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